The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
