Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
