what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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