You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
