You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
