Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am midnight drunk by noon
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
