Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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