So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
