this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
