Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
