I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
