I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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