You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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