i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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