Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
