I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
