haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
