Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
