Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
pray to the hookup gods
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
