My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
