Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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