you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
