watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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