Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
