So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
