Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
