if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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