Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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