Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
