This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
