Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
