Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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