what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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