i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
