3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
