Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
