you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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