hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i think my cat just said my name.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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