I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
