We won't sleep together?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
