so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
