My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
