Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
