They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
