spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
