i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am available for nakedness
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
