it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
