Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
