My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
