Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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