uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Found your dick twin last night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
