vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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