We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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