Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
