Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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