just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
